"Bubz, we're disappointed in you", declared a somber Sid, with Mia in tow. She doesn't do somber, though Sid was trying to take advantage of her perpetual knitted-brow curious look that he hoped would add to the gravity of this situation. I was unfazed. I know these two well. "You're not allowed disappointment. But, since I'm in a generous mood, I will indulge you and discuss this hypothetical disappointment", I said. He knew when to take advantage of my generosity and blurted it out. The pent-up disappointment hurtling out of his mouth like those speedy yellow Angry Birds, gaining momentum as they sped towards me - the selfish little green pig. "Not a word has been typed about me in the last couple of months. No blogs. You're slacking off. What am I to tell people? I have fans you know". I stared at him in disbelief, "Excuse me. What does my writing my blog have to do with you? I will write when and if I want to. That's the beauty of a blog, you're not tied down by anyone else's demands, it's all up to me! And what fans?"
He seemed a bit taken aback by this "revelation". Realizing his fame relied on my mood to dabble in some writing, he swiftly changed tactics. "There there my love, stay calm. Of course, it's up to you. It's just that you haven't in a while, I thought I'd help you. I've heard about the "artistic temperament", I wouldn't want to upset you". He looked at Mia, who was bored in the first two seconds of the conversation and had used the opportunity to snatch a pile of folded underwear and scatter it around. He poked her in the ribs and she looked up when he whispered, "Go on. Give your mum a kiss, get her in a good mood so she'll write about daddy". Mia, ever the obedient dog, sauntered over with a pair of Sid's boxers which she dropped at my feet (they were his 'Charm my snake" pair!) and licked my shin. "Thank you my darling boochums, but I don't need to be cheered up. I'm just feeling very uninspired and lazy. And I do not have an artistic temperament - I'm not Picasso or Hemingway or someone who has the right to indulge in all of that. I just wish I was surrounded by unending excitement and activity and well I sometimes wish I lived in the 60s or 70s...felt like more inspiring decades." Mia thought my explanation long winded and tootled off to unsettle another room in the house. Sid looked at me, "You mean I don't inspire you anymore?". He looked genuinely shocked. "That's a load of rubbish. And don't go all 'Midnight in Paris' on me, even Owen Wilson, who thought the 20s was the golden era realizes once he hobnobs with the Steins and Picassos and Hemingways and whoever's, that everyone feels the same way. The grass always seems greener on the other side...till you're on the other side". I was genuinely shocked, the fact that Siddharth would have even tried to watch 'Midnight in Paris' was surprising. Before I could comment, he quickly clarified, "No, of course I didn't watch it. Karen told me you both saw it and gave me a quick summary...she hated it and I agree, sounds ridiculous". I voiced my protest, "Hey, I liked it". "Can we please focus on me...I'm the one being affected by this lack of virtual visibility. And I did have a fan write to me and say he misses hearing about me". "Oh don't be silly, Jaipreet doesn't represent your large fan base. You meet him all the time, he doesn't need a virtual you"!
"Fine, I'm not saying that Jaipreet and my anonymous fan are one and the same..." "But I am", I chipped in. He ignored me and continued, "You can't actually blame a lack of inspiration on this. I've even shaved my head. You can do a whole Bald and the Beautiful series on Mia and me...everyone is just always looking for a better time, a better place, a better moment, a better person. People don't realize that it's all in the now. Let me ask you something, am I the type of guy you thought you'd end up with" A rather loaded question and smelt of a definite trap! "Oh don't think so much...of course I'm not", think back to all the crushes you've had or who you wanted to be with when you were a little girl.
I cast my mind back to my earliest memorable crush, a character of this children's show - Jimmy from H.R Pufnstuf - this yellow shirted singing dancing phenomenon with a page boy hair cut. Then I thought about when my friend, Partha, and I decided at the age of 7 or 8 that we would change our names to Charles and Barbara and get married when we were older, or maybe it was get married first and then get our name changes...either way Charles and Barbara was the more important part. There were various others - but all through this I always imagined myself with a tortured brooding artist sort - passionate, venemous, powerful and a relationship filled with ummm...well constant change, dynamism, excitement. Sid shook his head..."It's all the movies bubz...all a fantasy. All relationships are the same...they all settle down. Unless you're with this brooding artist type who sounds like he'll be a complete idiot. Mia and I are your golden era".
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| My first crush, Jimmy from H.R Pufnstuf |
As I looked at his gleaming pate, I realized Sid was having one of his rare moments of true insight. You expect him to say something stupid like "Look, my head has no bumps, it's beautiful" and instead out comes these pearls of wisdom. My muse was lit up with intellectual radiance! "Bubz, you find humour in our ordinariness, that's what you do. It's always been in the now...I'm your golden boy. Celebrate me"! he struck a pose and I exclaimed, "You're quite right. I'm so stupid. There's so much around me...in fact I don't know why I'm restricting myself to you. It's all out there...I'm living in the golden era". Sid looked alarmed, "Out there...no no bubz right here. It's me, me you have to write about, and maybe a bit about this mutt, but really just me is quite enough". But I was off, pen in hand and scribbling notes, while he tried desperately to look over my shoulder. "Bubz bubz, don't disappoint the fans...Mia, Mia come here, distract her...no no stop stealing more underwear"! I patted him on his shiny head, "Thanks m'love. You've opened my eyes...you're golden"! He signed and walked away muttering, "I should have lived in the olden days...when wives worshiped their husbands". I called after him, "None of that talk...here and now remember, here and now".
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