Khokhar calling Karthik

Khokhar: Hello...

Karthik: Y-y-yesss

Khokhar: Hey Karthik, it's Reem

Karthik: Who? Reema?

Khokhar: Reeeeeem! Rhymes with 'dream', my god it's really not that complicated. Anyhow, don't worry I'm not your alter ego who's trying to kill you.

Karthik: Are you one of my other sub conscious personalities calling to screw with me?

Khokhar: No, just a friendly cinema goer who watched your movie yesterday and has a few thoughts to share with you. Might help you along in your acting career.

Karthik: I'm Karthik, I'm not an actor. Just a regular guy.

Khokhar: Right, let's lose the "I'm such a good actor I'm totally submerged in my character and can't tell the difference" nonsense. You're really not as good as all that - you're ok, not great. This inability to tell between reality and fantasy has got you into this mess in the first place.

Karthik: Ok,ok none of you people who call me really let me do any of the talking, it's so unfair.

Khokhar: Quit whining, I've got a 5 o clock at the salon, so just a few things and then I'm out of here and you can keep talking as much as you like after that.

Karthik: (Sighhh) Fine. But you know I got some good reviews.

Khokhar: I heard, yes, and I think that you're not totally undeserving. I found the plot quite entertaining. Just the performance not totally believable. But anyhow about the plot first - I thought the story was good even though the psycho schizophrenic isn't really a novel theme in the movies. But having said that, it was still entertaining and I liked how the medium of communication was through the phone and how the plot was explained in the end - a bit far fetched but still entertaining.

Karthik: Well, thank you. I had a hand in that you know...I told the director...

Khokhar: Sorry, not interested. Some more positives - Deepika. She was lovely as always, there is always such an effortless fluidity and grace about her acting. It's just right - neither too restrained or over the top - just natural. It's refreshing in an industry of over-actors to have someone like her. Though she didn't look like a very believable smoker. When she pulled out a cigarette in her office and looked around to make sure no one was watching (that was really unbelievable since her cabin had glass partitions) she looked quite awkward.

Karthik: Well, I snatched the cigarette from her and got her to stop.

Khokhar: Yes, that's great because if we had to watch her light up one more time that might have changed my opinion of her in the movie. Anyhow, on to you...

Karthik - It really is one of my best performances!

Khokhar - Conceited, aren't we? You've only had a few performances, you've got some way to go.

Karthik - I really should stop picking up this phone!

Khokhar - Getting to the point. I thought you were alright - a bit overdone at times as the persecuted employee, but I found you very endearing when you were trying to woo Deepika. However, there was a problem with the consistency in your performance.

Karthik: What do you mean?

Khokhar: Well for one, the transition from 'persecuted Karthik' to 'stud Karthik' was completely sudden or at least it seemed that way. It was an effortless transition. And that whole scene where you took on your boss was also a bit over-done I thought.

Karthik: I don't think it was...

Khokhar: Ut-tut-tut-tut...I'm talking here. Really! Save all the interrupting when you're having a chat with your alter ego. Ok, say the transition was totally believable even though it was very sudden, I felt the performance slipping. When you started hitting on Deepika you did it as your brash, new confident self and she seemed to fall for it and then all of a sudden you were nerdy and sheepish for the rest of the relationship and it just seemed inconsistent. Oh, and for the two seconds that your alter ego made a physical appearance in the movie - couldn't you have moved away from the general psycho portrayal - the sudden opening of the eyes, the slow deliberate movements, the sinister chuckling and deep breathing on the phone. Granted, your alter ego was dominating and overpowering, but there can be a less deliberate portrayal of that. It's so passe to do the Urmila Matondkar deranged, nursery rhyme spouting, eye popping killer, and your's was definitely nothing like her's, but still full of cliches!

Karthik: Oh my god, you've reduced me to my former persecuted self now.

Khokhar: Did you not hear the positives, that's the problem with you, focus on the good things as well...I always say...hello,hello, Karthik we seem to have a cross connection...Hello...

Cross-connecter: I'm going to get you Karthik, you ruined my afternoon.

Karthik: H-h-h-ello who's this?

Intruder: This is Khandelwal, Reem's husband and I swear I am going to get you!

Khokhar: Siddharth, get off the bloody phone don't interrupt!

Khandelwal: Please, stop wasting your time on him...the damn movie should have been called 'Krap-thik calling Krap-thik'. Waste of bloody time! If we hadn't got our chaffeur driven car to go around that day i would have really been in a bad mood.

Karthik - You sir, are being rude!

Khandelwal: Oh shut up, I need to use the phone and Reem's been on it talking to you, psycho!

Khokhar: Stop being rude Siddharth. If you don't have any constructive criticism get off the phone.

Khandewal: Don't talk to me about constructive, I'll reconstruct his nose if I ever see him.

Karthik: My god, I can't take more of this. I've just got back on the phone after being so scared of it and this is what I get.

Khokhar: I'm sorry Karthik, my husband has rather strong feelings about your movie. You must understand, after all you've always had rather strong viewed people in your life heheheh.

Karthik: I don't see anything to 'hehehe' about. If you don't mind I am going to hang up now, thank you for calling, but I really don't have time for all this feedback...constructive or otherwise.

Khokhar: Hey, it's your call (no pun intended), you've got a long career ahead of you and some of this might just be useful.

Karthik: Umm, yeah ok, I got to go, I'm getting another call.

Khokhar: Yeah sure, I'm done. Too-da-loo!

Karthik: Ok yeah bye. (Hangs up and takes the other call) Hello.

Caller: I'm going to get you Krap-thik! (Voice in the background: "Sid, get off the bloody phone!"). Dammit Reem, now he'll know it's me! Hello, hello - see he's hung up now! I was just having some fun!